These are the best days of my life.
I am now the saddest and happiest i’ve ever been in my life. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but it is.
For one, being at the dorm has been a blast! Our line-up is complete and everyday feels like a How I Met Your Mother sitcom, only more x-rated. (Kidding.) Let me enumerate the stereotypes.
- Pedz & Lesly: (the LQ couple)
- Raffy: (the game-for-anything bachelor)
- Hendrik: (the athletic guy with all the corny jokes)
- Paul: (the artist who plays the violin, only with a dark side.)
- Master: (the silent new guy.)
- Carlo: (the wordy but extremely gay dude)
- Miggy: (I honestly don’t know where I fit in?)
I feel lost. I enjoy their company immensely, and it has helped me through the dark days. But I still feel lost. I laugh on occasion, I smile on occasion, but my mind feels so clouded. I am both sad and happy at the same time. My chemicals feel so unbalanced.
A couple of weeks ago I stumbled upon an old livejournal entry had I made back in the Valentine’s of 2008.
“Valentine’s found me in the state I had been the past couple of days I had been blogging about, only happier. Not because I had found the love of my life, but because I found out that the love of my life doesn’t exist at all. Today, I refused to live through the onetrack theory that my heart dictates who I love, what I like,. There are people on one side, and there is love. It’s really just that simple. Infact, its so simple that its almost complicated.
Masayang maging malungkot.”
to which a friend of mine, Maika, replies with a quotation from the book “History of Love” by Nicole Krauss.
:”You got a little happier and also a little sadder. Meaning they cancel each other out, leaving me exactly the same. Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn’t change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you’re the happiest and saddest you’ve ever been in your whole life.”
This feels strangely true.
& to which I can honestly tell for sure, that I am living the best days of my life.
